Saying Goodbye
Although leaving for the Peace Corps has been mostly stress-free, I have been emotionally taxed in ways I did not expect. The difficulty is knowing that when you return, for whatever reason or length of time, things will be different. Some relationships will wither and new ones will emerge. Babies will be born and people will die. New friends will delight and old friends will feel distant. Family will evolve.
I have not been as anxious as I anticipated. An unsettling feeling will pass over me like a wave, sometimes strong and sometimes weak. Today I had the obligatory pre-departure cry unceremoniously at home, quietly. My friends and family have helped to make up for my lack of emotional display. I try to respond to them and their concerns with kindness and sincerity, but I feel guilty that I cannot match their level of expression. And I try not to be awkward about it. Saying goodbye is like that though, always a bit uncomfortable. People who love me want to spend time with me, and that is beautiful. But the strong emotional reactions to my departure and the possessiveness over my remaining time are discomforting.
I know I will never really "come home again." But I think that is okay. Home is where the heart is, and the heart is with the important people. Home must evolve.
Change is good and change is healthy.
Although leaving for the Peace Corps has been mostly stress-free, I have been emotionally taxed in ways I did not expect. The difficulty is knowing that when you return, for whatever reason or length of time, things will be different. Some relationships will wither and new ones will emerge. Babies will be born and people will die. New friends will delight and old friends will feel distant. Family will evolve.
I have not been as anxious as I anticipated. An unsettling feeling will pass over me like a wave, sometimes strong and sometimes weak. Today I had the obligatory pre-departure cry unceremoniously at home, quietly. My friends and family have helped to make up for my lack of emotional display. I try to respond to them and their concerns with kindness and sincerity, but I feel guilty that I cannot match their level of expression. And I try not to be awkward about it. Saying goodbye is like that though, always a bit uncomfortable. People who love me want to spend time with me, and that is beautiful. But the strong emotional reactions to my departure and the possessiveness over my remaining time are discomforting.
I know I will never really "come home again." But I think that is okay. Home is where the heart is, and the heart is with the important people. Home must evolve.
Change is good and change is healthy.
Amen. Praying for you, sweet friend. The adventure is beckoning! I can't wait to see what unfolds for you!
ReplyDeleteReally cannot wait to read this blog!
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